Cheating

Dreams of being unfaithful can be disturbing for many reasons. The dream may well be about our sexual drives nonetheless the deeper meaning often has little to do with sex.

But sex and faithfulness are highly charged, conflicting matters in this society.

Sometimes the dream is that you are unfaithful to the person that you love. Sometimes they are unfaithful to you.

Either way is complicated and requires sensitivity.

It's a situation in which I'd strongly recommend that, if you can, you share all your dreams with each other. My view is that the dream is a message. Telling your lover the dream communicates the message -- even if neither of you completely understands the message. Your lover can then reply with their own dream. This allows each of you to communicate difficult matters to each other. The point is not just to share this, difficult, dream but to make a habit of both of you telling all your dreams. That way, a touchy dream like this one can be seen in an overall context and your lover can reply, not with chosen words, but with a dream of their own.

Having an affair with an unknown person

Ask yourself what about the unknown person was attractive to you. 

If you dream that your partner is having an affair with an unknown person, ask yourself what was it about the unknown person that attracted your partner. 

For example, Jack dreams that Gina has an affair with a millionaire. Jack should consider that he wishes that he made more money and that he may be in danger of losing Gina because of this. Now Jack may be right and he may be wrong. Gina didn't have the dream, Jack had it. Gina may love Jack just the way he is and it's Jack that's dissatisfied with himself. 

Ask yourself the general question: "Is there some way in which I cheating myself?" You may be surprised at your own answer.

If the affair is with someone known

I think a dream like this puts your relationship to a test. I don't think it's easy to deal with.

(I repeat!) It's a situation in which I'd strongly recommend that, if you can, you share all your dreams with each other. My view is that this allows each of you to communicate difficult "stuff" to each other in the form of your dreams. The point is not just to share this dream but to make a habit of both of you telling all your dreams. That way, a touchy dream like this one can be seen in an overall context and your lover can reply, so to speak, with their own dream.

If you are up to it, start with this difficult dream. If not, propose telling each other your dreams.

It is important that you distinguish between a dream and a real event. In telling your partner the dream DO NOT CREATE AN ACCUSATION OR A CONFESSION. It was a only a dream.

If this is not something you want to do or feel you can do, I'd look for help: a minister, a therapist or a really sensitive friend.

An example

Gina dreamed that she was kissing Billy. 

In waking life, Gina wasn't even attracted to Billy she was happily going out with Jack and Billy was going out with Betty. When we talked about the dream, Gina realized that Betty was flirtatious with all the boys and Gina resented her flirting with Jack.  So the dream seemed to be a way for Gina to get back at Betty. After talking about the dream, Gina went to her girl friends and together they asked Betty to stop flirting with their boyfriends. 

In this case, it turned out that Gina's friendship with Betty was the critical issue.

Another example

Jack is going out with Gina but he dreams about having sex with his ex girlfriend Carrie. 

I'd go back into the dream and see what would happen if Gina and Carrie were in the same room together. What would Jack really do in the scenario of the dream? Jack can play this out and I'd hope that this would give him some insight into what is attractive about Gina, what is attractive about Carrie and what he can do about this. 

I hope you can see how complicated this kind of situation is. That's why it is disturbing. 

• Jack may have things he'd like to change in his relationship with Gina. 
• Jack may be angry at something Gina did recently and the dream is taking an exaggerated revenge. 
• Jack might be "really" wanting to go back to Carrie. 
• Jack may still be smarting from the way he and Carrie broke up.  
• Jack may just be not be ready for a monogamous relationship and wants everything.

There are many possible explanations...

Again, if this is not something you want to handle on your own, I'd look for help: a minister, a therapist or a really sensitive friend.